Time

So here's what I've found out about being a stand up comedian.  I thought this thing was just going to happen all on it's own over night.  But this thing is going to take........ Time. 

I've invested time to figure out what comedy is.  And nobody can tell me.  Everybody thinks they know, but nobody is willing to commit to anything.  Wikipedia has suggested that I see Seinfeld.  If this blog does have an audience, maybe you can tell me?  What is being funny?  What makes you laugh?  What is comedy? 

While I'm waiting for the comments to fill up for my review.... I'll try and tackle that answer myself. 

What is comedy?....

I sure don't know.  But everyone who I have been talking to is really hitting home that being funny has a lot to do with being honest. 

And so I have a couple of thoughts about this.  Being honest is almost absurd in our society.  If you're honest, you probably won't make it very far.  Ever since I was a young boy life has always fascinated me because of that very thing.  In our society there is, a way things are supposed to be.... and then there is the real story. 

Everyone is pretending!  And because of that, you have to as well.  If you don't think that you're pretending then you're clinically insane.  Want some proof?  When you parent's come to visit, versus some good buddies.... for whom do you spend more time cleaning, and why?

Everyone is pretending! 

Maybe that's why anyone of us would watch a stand-up comedian in the first place.  To be honest.  At least with ourselves for a few laughs before we have to go back to pretendsville. 

And so on that train (which is a colloquialism in need of some updating) of thought...is the

Edit #1
What are some things newer than trains?  But still really old? 

And so on that penicillin of thought?
And so on that Steam Boat of consciousness?
On this Dot Matrix tear...is the path to righteousness....

Honesty....

It's hard to be honest.  I'm so out of practice.  Here's what I remember though.  The first laugh.  The first time I may have peed them, I was maybe 4 years old.  Grandma and Grandpa babysat me throughout the week, so Grandpa and I did a lot together. 

One morning we were washing the car and I turned the hose on my grandpa.  Which didn't make him too happy.  But it, cracked me right up.  I had been planning it for weeks, and that morning seemed like the right time. 

I learned very early at school that fart jokes killed.  Well not jokes...just farting.  Farting anytime you had to anywhere you had to, anytime you needed and sometimes you didn't - was the best part about being a kid. 

When you're a kid you don't have any manners.  You just have gas, and no inhibitions.  When you're an adult you have to hold it in for the most part.  Or work out some sort of fart boundry with your co-workers or your spouse.  You can't just fart.  Rememer the look on everyone's face the last time you did?  You absolutely have to not fart. 

Let me start that story over. 

Show and Tell time occur ed very promptly at 8:35am in my Kinder garden class.  There wasn't an official line, but I was always first in it.  Standing there with my written down GI Joe Theme song lyrics scribbled in my Grandmother's handwriting.  She knew I couldn't read but god bless her for writing something down every morning.  Ready to dazzle my class-mates, who I'm sure weren't paying any....attention. 

And I think that's where it all started for me.  I learned two things in Kinder garden.  I loved to show, and I lived to tell. 

So I learned after a while that the GI Joe thing wasn't really working out.  So I started telling jokes.  Little ones my Grandfather had taught me.  And one day I just farted, right in front of them, all of them.  And it killed.  The girls loved it.  The guys loved it.  I was a legendary prop comic by the age of 5. 

And then around 3rd grade it just goes away.  You can't do it anywhere and get a laugh.  What happens to life right around that age that just kills a perfectly hilarious fart?  For the record I miss farting.  I want to throw a FARTY....a party just for farts.....and you're all invited. 

Had my dreams of come true.  And time did stand still, and I was still 5....and everyone loved my farts.... I guess I wouldn't have developed any other comedic tools over the years.  I would be Gallagher and smell much worse. 

More to come...